I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This is my gift to your gina
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
