Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
