Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
