I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Holy shit dude........stairs
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
