I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
