so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
