So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
