After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
