I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
