Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
