So drunk its hurt
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
