Screwed.edu
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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