mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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