i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
