dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
