Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
