Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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