we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
