Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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