the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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