I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
