Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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