I'm gonna have a badass scar
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
