omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
