MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
