we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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