I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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