Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
BRING THE BAGELS
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
