it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
