What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
