Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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