I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
