I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
