Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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