we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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