I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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