When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
