so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
