I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need to calm my uterus...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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