My first STD was from a foam party
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
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