Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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