Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
