at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
