so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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