I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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