I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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