we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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