it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
