I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
