you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
