if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think weed is turning my hair brown
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
