I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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