We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize