I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
