I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
