I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
