fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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