it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
