I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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