Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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