i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
