1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
