I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
