he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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