Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
