Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
