dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
