The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
