My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
