There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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