Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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