i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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