I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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