dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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