i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
