I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
