in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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